It seems I underestimated my workload, not to mention I just got back from vacation. So I won't be doing the Double Feature this week.... but next week, come hell or high water, it will be here I promise!
So be ready for two times the crazy, and this time I'll be thinking outside the box. And considering this is MADCAP Monday that means that ANYTHING could go. So you'll just have to check in next week to see what I have up in store for you! Till next week folks. Make sure to check in back in all week for my lovely sisters' reviews starting with Tea-Time Tuesday with Mischievous M!
I really hope y'all enjoy this week's MADCAP Monday hat-trick. To keep the ball rolling on my grand apology for the 2 month disappearing act I'm already working on next week's Double Feature!
So be ready for two times the crazy, and this time I'll be thinking outside the box. And considering this is MADCAP Monday that means that ANYTHING could go. So you'll just have to check in next week to see what I have up in store for you! Till next week folks. Make sure to check in back in all week for my lovely sisters' reviews starting with Tea-Time Tuesday with Mischievous M! Adios Amigos.
It's Alluring A. And now it's time to wrap up this week's MADCAP Monday hat-trick with the last story, "A Betting Man" by mybluesky. So who here hasn't seen Cruel Intentions? If you have then you know not to make a bet about bedding anybody. Well unfortunately Edward didn't get the memo. So not only does he make the bet, but Bella finds out about it.
Now Bella instead of putting Edward in his place actually goes along with the whole charade hoping to put him through hell. Funny how things never go according to plan, especially when people like James are involved.
It's Alluring A. Moving onto the next story of this week's MADCAP Monday hat-trick: "Bad Fauxmance" by Stella Luna Sky. Now I don't know about y'all but the first time I read this title I had a horrible image of Lady Gaga go through my head. Don't worry about that folks. This story is a Gaga free zone, and hilarious to boot. Ever told a lie to talk to someone. I bet you've never had to keep that lie up for months just to be around the person you were interested in.
This is exactly what happens to "poor" Edward. It's the "typical formula: boy meets girl. Boy befriends girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Girl has no idea. Boy is afraid to tell her, because Boy - me, Edward Cullen - has been pretending to be gay to keep Girl's man-hating self in his life." What could possibly go wrong in this situation?
It's Alluring A. So you're first story in this week's MADCAP Monday hat-trick is "Progress: The Original Sleep Humper Story" by 107yearoldvirgin. If the title it's self doesn't draw you in, then the superb writing will. Edward is called a "sleep humper" and like with most of the ExB stories I read he's humping Bella. Sometimes in his sleep, sometimes when he's wide awake.
Now don't think Edward is the only one with problems. Come on when is anyone ever perfect. Bella's got her own flaws, but I'll let you figure those out for yourself. All you need to know is that there is humping... and that it's written by the talented 107yearoldvirgin.
It's Alluring A. I know I've been away for quite awhile, but to make up for my absence I'm bringing you not just one story this MADCAP Monday but THREE. That's right three stories for you to enjoy. I've got some catching up to do for my disappearing act.
Finally, life has managed to catch up with all of us. Therefore none of us managed to post in time. Instead of just posting a sexy story for 'Wicked Wednesday', I'm bringing you the story of the week.
This is the first time, we've ever done something like this and our standards are naturally high. The fic must meet all requirements and must fit in each category. I didn't even have to think about it, because there is one story that can make me laugh, go 'aw', pant and even cry. And that story is 'Once Bitten, Twice Shy' by lifelesslyndsey.
A bitter vampire, who can't let go of his past as an angel, moves into a cat-infested home. On his search for supplies, oddly enough, for the stray cats, he runs into Bella. She instantly recognizes him for what he is and verbally acknowledges him, not even caring whether or not he will kill her for the slip.
Bella isn't the shy girl we know from before. Life has hardened her and now, she is a won't-take-shit-from-no-one-so-cut-the-bullshit tough girl. That is, if she even cares. Because indifference is high on her list of characteristics as well. Sarcastic remarks are not uncommon, when it comes to her and to Peter, she is an enigma.
He has been alone for too long, and his social skills are limited to visiting the sick in order to convince them to freely offer themselves as his next meal. Noble, but to Peter it will never be enough. He was once a creature of God, an angel who served his Lord obediently and lived for centuries with the morals and knowledge, that now condemn him. Besides those limited human contacts, he talks to one special cat; a small, ugly, wrinkly thing that lovingly gets named Peen by Bella. Even though Peter originally named him Cat.
After that encounter at the grocery store, Peter becomes intrigued by the human that finds it necessary to put up surveillance around her house and obsessively scrubs her floors, while popping pills like candy. Of course, he doesn't stay undetected and when Bella invites him in, a strange friendship grows between the odd pair.
A road trip will only strengthen the bond that has already been formed. Although both scarred and troubled, they are complete opposites of each other. And in each other, they find their missing pieces. They find love.
But will they get their happy ever after?
____
I had found that Bella was a Toucher with a capitol 'T'. She was one who touched as often as she wanted to, and loved to be touched in return like some sort of affection starved abandoned cat. And I would know, now wouldn't I? The first few weeks were rather disconcerting, so often did I find her suddenly in my expansive personal space. But she popped that fucking bubble in a heart beat. Soon, I was only all to fucking happy to obliged. It was nice touching something you weren't going to kill in a few minutes, I had to admit. She smiled, and leaned into my hand, and I forced myself to viscously stomp down the happy-growly feelings that that insisted on burning inappropriately inside me. Now was not the time. Never was the time to burn for Bella. Those were sins meant for mortal men alone, and not identity challenged Vampires Angel hybrids, who found themselves on the bad side of God by a series of unfortunate circumstances.
"I'm waiting for you to say 'May the power of Christ compel you!'" She giggled, looking up at me from around my wrist.
"What?" I blurted out, tearing my hand away."What? No. Uh...I brought your favorite." Well wasn't that smooth? Of course she wasn't talking in the literal fucking sense. I needed to get my shit together. She peeked up at that, "Karmel Sutra?"
I held up the ice cream, grimacing at the name. Humans. They were all heathens. I was, at this point, no better of course. Bella had done me a world of bad, and I couldn't find it in myself to regret it. As long as I kept on the right line of Mild Sexual Deviant, I could live with my new and inappropriate thoughts. "And the pickle chips you like, you weird little freak."
"Says the vampire to the human," She said in a sing song voice, turning the key and grabbing up her fallen purse. "Tuesdays suck harder then a well paid prostitute."
"You say that every Tuesday." I reminded her, chucking her food-crap on the breakfast bar. The kitchen smelled of bleach and Windex, and not a little blood."Did you cut yourself on something?"
Bella's shoulders tensed, the only tell in her occasional obliteration of the whole truth. I never got the feeling she was lying to me, more that she was omitting details. But I couldn't bring myself to pry. She'd tell me what she wanted to anyway. I was as happy with our situation as I was going to get, considering I spent a large portion of it in a constant fucking state of confusion. And hard-ons.
____
When she kissed me this time, it was different from the frantic kisses pressed to my face, or the kiss shared in her drive way a month ago. She kissed like she meant it, with passion and fury, and insinuating hands digging into my hair. I could feel her tears on my face as she kissed me harder, legs wrapping around my waist. I had never done this before, how had I never done this before? But I knew, had it been any other, any one besides Bella, it would not have been the same.
"Never, ever scare me like that again," She breathed, and I wiped away her tears with my finger tip. "Why are you crying?" I asked, because I really didn't know, and that scared me, and this scared me, her in my lap, and me in her bed, and the smell of blood and death, and Walter fucking Freedmont still heavy in the air. She clung to me harder.
"I'm crying?" She asked, touching her face, and a little smile turned up her lips, "I...I haven't cried in years." "Why now?" I whispered, because she whispered, even in the empty house, as if speaking out loud would ruin the strange kind of trance we had found ourselves in.
"I...I can't lose you too." She murmured, "Your suppose to be invincible, your not suppose to leave me. Don't leave me." "I won't," I promised, resting my chin on her head, "All this..."I began to say, but I didn't know what the fuck to say, so I stopped, but I had already spoken, already broke the string that bound us to the moment. "Oh," She blushed, attempting to scramble back and off my lap, but I held her anyways, and would continue to do so till I could no longer, "Um...I'm sorry...I know...it makes you uncomfortable." "I'm not uncomfortable," I assured her, "Confused...I don't...what does this mean? For us...this is...Very friendly."I finished lamely, but she seemed to understand. "This is-"
"I like you." She interrupted, looking me dead in the eye, "And I haven't liked anything in a very long time. I haven't been...capable of liking. Of hating. Of feeling anything. But I feel for you, even through all the pills and the...walls...I've built and last night was just to fucking scary to pretend that what I feel is purely...friendly. Thats why I was afraid of getting of the pills...if I like you now...but I'm mortal, I don't have forever, and I didn't want to lie to myself, and I'm sorry...I know that you don't-"
"I like you too." And hadn't I said as much to Cat just a month ago? "I've never liked anything. Anything at all. And your confusing, and your rude, and loud, and messy, and you have some serious OCD issues, and I like you, and I miss you more then I should when I go home...and..." I tapered off, suddenly uncomfortable by my verbal vomit of admittance.
She grinned against my mouth as she spoke, "We like each other." "Apparently," I murmured back, allowing the happy-growly feelings burn as hot as they wanted inside me, finding no need to viciously stomp them down into nothing, "A Vampire with an identity crisis, and a jaded, medicated human, each with a laundry list of idiosyncrasies." "What a pair we make," She smiled.
___
"You're not supposed to tuck in the shirt. You look like a band geek. A sexy hot band geek, but that's not the point. Only band geeks and IT people tuck dress shirts into jeans." Bella stepped forward, pressing against my back and unceremoniously shoving her hands into my pants, to pull my shirt loose.
There was no way on Gods green, over-populated, populated earth I was going to admit that the proceeding erection was in any way, shape or form, my fault. She was the one who shoved her hands in my pants.
And there it was in three point eight seconds, my freakishly hard dick, clearly visible in the tight jeans, reflected in eight fucking mirrors. I could feel Bella's mouth curl up into a smile as she pressed her face into my back, and damn that felt good. I could feel my wings shudder beneath the skin as Bella's hand slid slowly out of my pants, her palms hot against my stomach.
The words fell out of my mouth faster than I could fathom. I was fairly sure that I had said them before I had even thought them, but the point was, I had said them. They had been said. "Dressing room. Now."
She had my hand in hers, tugging me along before I could register that I had just propositioned Bella in public. And that she was down for it. As if she wouldn't be. It was Bella we were talking about.
I let her man handle me, bending to her every push and pull, till I found myself behind the dressing rooms locked doors, seated and mounted. Bella's mouth was on mine, hot fingers scrambling at my buttons. She toes off her ballet flats against my shins, knees hugging my thighs tightly. Her urgency was contagious, and I had to fight myself not to rip her shirt of her body, tugging up at the hem instead till she raised her arms. Her bra was the same midnight blue as the damned silk boxers. She reached around; one hand unclasping it as I slid it from her arms, dropping it to the floor.
It was frantic, the keen awareness that we could be caught, caught up in the electricity that always seemed to crackle between us. We grasped at each other, always touching like it was the first time and the last, like we hadn't just gotten off on our mouths and tongues and fingers hours before. She ground down on me, hips moving in torturous pulsing circles. The silk was maddening, combined with the heat of her body. My cock was still caught on my thigh, wrapped in sweet, delicious friction; I couldn't help but buck upwards as she pushed down.
It was a parody of sex, but damn it felt good. I wanted…fuck, I wasn't sure what I wanted, but the pressure and the heat it was too much and not enough. I could feel the dampness of her jeans against my own, and I felt myself shudder, hands grappling to pull her close. I couldn't touch enough of her, couldn't reach enough of her when it felt like she was tearing through my skin and crawling up into my soul, where all her kisses felt hotter, and her touch ripped through me like the sweetest kind of pain.
Bella pushed at the arms of my button-up, shoving it hastily from my shoulders. I worked a frantic hand between us, yanking the button and zipper loose and pulling my cock free of the silky confines of the boxers. I groaned at the sheer, instantaneous relief. Bella slid from my lap, half way to sinking to her knees, when I caught her at the hip, hands sliding around to cup her ass.
Oh fuck, I wanted... Wanted.
Never one for prolonged eye contact, I looked away as I slid the zipper of her worn-in jeans down, the sound screaming in my ears. Her hand was warm, wrapped around my wrist like a question mark at the end of a question that wasn't asked out loud. "I...want this."
____
If you are still not convinced, I don't know what will. All I can say is that you won't be able to get a grip on this story. Whenever you think you've got it figured out, something else happens to throw you off balance again. It will keep you interested, because of the way it is written and the well-timed surprises.
The story line is simply brilliant. The theme is original and interesting. The characters, although odd at first, will weasle their ways into your hearts and you will feel everything they do.
Not often has a story gripped me, like 'Once Bitten, Twice Shy' has done.
This story is a MUST-read! Go read it now!
That concludes this week's special. See you all on Monday.
Since Alluring A has not been able to post lately, I decided we couldn't leave y'all hanging like this any longer. So from now on, I'll be taking her place until she gets back.
For my first (and maybe last) Madcap Monday, I'd like to talk to you about a wonderful story called 'Sassafrass Junction'. Jasper-lovers, it's time to moisten those lips. Edward-lovers, widen your horizon, because this is a 'must-read' fic. And all the other lovers, spread the non-canon love, lovelies.
'Coyote Ugly' exists! It's right there in Phoenix, Arizona, where the air is hot and the girls are even hotter.
Bella has become a very independent woman after Edward left. She has a job at a local bar called...well what do you know...'Sassafrass Junction' and on one particular night someone familiar walks in.
Jasper has joined his old friends Charlotte and Peter, although he sticks to the vegetarian diet. When they go out for the night, he's surprised to see a tough, strong and sexy-as-hell Bella dancing on top of the bar. Some douche bag tries to grab her and she goes toppling down the bar. Jasper catches her in time though.
Of course, it wouldn't be a 'Madcap Monday' segment, if the story wasn't funny as hell. Trust me, it is.
Some examples:
After stopping on the way home to hunt, I'd arrived home to find Peter giggling his ass off looking at something on his laptop. God only knew.
"What's so funny?" I asked him, setting my keys in the little bowl in the entryway.
"Lolcats, Jasper," he answered, all chuckles.
"The fuck?" I asked him, not sure if I heard him correctly. Cats?
"It's this website I came across, these cats with fuckin' High-LAR-ious captions on them. Almost makes me wanna get one, if Iwasn't afraid you'd have it for a snack."
"And what exactly would we do with a cat? Assuming one would stick around the place, which it wouldn't," I said, walking over to have look at the screen. Why did the captions have such poor grammar and spelling? Aren't cats supposed to be fairly intelligent creatures? And what would they need a walrus's bucket for? Why does the walrus even have a bucket? I didn't get it.
"Trust me Jasper, you could use a little pussy." Shot that fucker the bird for that one.
"What's the matter Jasper, don't like to play with your food?"
I crossed my arms across my chest and looked back at him.
X
"DEARLY BELOVED!" he shouted. We all jumped. What the fuck is this? "WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO WITNESS THE UNION OF, STATE YOUR NAME PLEASE," he shouted at Jasper, whose eyes were as wide as saucers.
"Um, Jasper Whitlock."
"WHAT? SPEAK UP SON, I'M A LITTLE HARD OF HEARING." You don't fucking say.
"JASPER WHITLOCK." Jasper stated much louder.
"CASPER?" Oh, are you fucking kidding me?
"JASPER! JUH! JASPER!"
The minister nodded. "OK. CASPER AND…" he shouted, pointing at me.
"ISABELLA SWAN!"
"ESMERALDA?"
"BELLLL-UHHH!" Fuck!
"WE ARE GATHERED HERE THIS EVENING TO JOIN CASPER AND STELLA INTO HOLY MATRIMONY, AND TO HONOR THEIR COMMITMENT TO ONE ANOTHER…"
My ears were already starting to ring; I could only imagine how it sounded to the vamps in the room with their supersonic hearing. I glanced at Jasper who had his nose wrinkled and brow furrowed. To my left, Rose and Char's faces held similar expressions, and to Jazz's right, Peter was silently laughing his ass off. Of course.
Emmett's face was frozen in a wide-eyed WTF expression, gaping at the minister. A quick glance over my shoulder earned me the sight of Lara just about falling out of her chair, tears running down her face and clutching her stomach. Ben wasn't doing so much better. Because this is the way my fucking life goes.
I loved this fic, as well as the sequel 'Bella Whitlock, HBIC'. I simply swoon at the Jasper, VampishVixen has created. He's protective, possessive, but allows Bella her freedom. Not that the tough bitch would let him hover too much. She knows how to stand her man. Jasper is also fun, sweet, sexy,...God, he's just perfect. Then there is the other Whitlock I adore,...yes, that would be Peter. Well, let me tell you, "HOT DAMN!"
He's got it all! He's funny as hell, he's adorable and flirty. He has an open relationship with his wife Char and it shows. Char likes the female body as much as a male's body and doesn't oppose to the idea of tasting the human. And I am not talking about her blood. Every chance he gets, Peter flirts with Bella to get on Jasper's nerves and it made me laugh ever time. Bella and Peter together, are a force to be reckoned with. Or should I say Stella?
This fic is just so perfect; there aren't enough words in the world to explain the genius, that is 'Sassafrass Junction'. It has everything I want in a good story; it has a good storyline, a lot of humor and tons of the sexiest fucking scenes ever. Pardon my French. I don't usually curse in my posts, but when I get really excited I just can't stop it.
So don't just sit there, picking your nails and drooling on your keyboard; click the link and go read! You won't regret it!
Hopefully, you all liked my 'Madcap Monday' post and I'll see you guys on Wednesday.
It's Alluring A and it's time for another MADCAP Monday. Today it's "Bella Swan: Kidnapper" by Kambria Rain. Ever wondered how awkward it would be to kidnap someone's children? Look no further. This hilarious story will allow you to follow Bella as she and her son Leonardo (named after Mutant Ninja Turtles) help rescue Edward Cullen's kid from evil ladies in the from of girlfriends and nannies.
Soon Bella and Edward are forming a bond that has to handle pranks, crazy sisters, unknown fathers, birthdays, peewee football, and tackling moms. It'll get you wanting to kidnap someone's kid and calling their cell to leave a message saying: "Um. Hi. My name is Bella Swan. I don't really know how to say this, but I have your kids with me, and I was thinking maybe you would like them back. So yeah… call me."
It's Alluring A and for my first MADCAP Monday I chose "Bella Swan's Dating Guide" by Pears 13. Even though this story isn't purely a comedy, it does have some hilarious aspects. Most girls, and guys even, have standards when it comes to who they will and will not date. But in this story, Bella takes it to a whole new level.
When she meets Edward she is already knee deep in her dating guide. Each chapter gives you a rule and usually an example of how it is broken or why it was created. Edward soon finds out about her rules, and ends up breaking most of them. Sometimes even on purpose. The story is all about Bella breaking her own rules and finding the perfect guy for her, outside of the guide she's made for her dating live.
Hey guys,
