Tearjerker Thursday: My Life, My Love, My Heart

I came upon this one-shot quite accidentally. Someone nominated this story for our very own 'Annual Glosp Awards' and by validating it, I came to love it. It's completely unexpected tragedy and throughout the entire story, I thought of several things that could happen. But never once, did I imagine something as terrible would happen. 

In 'My Life, My Love, My Heart' by the brilliant FL95, Bella is an overworked mother. We all know how it goes; you need to be somewhere, and just then your children decide to fight you every step of the way. 

Everthing becomes a struggle for control, from getting dressed to getting out at the car, when you finally reached the destination. Every scream, tear, pout and kick pushes you further in your madness. And even though you try to remain calm, the nerves and urgency makes you behave more savagely than you should. 

That's exactly what's going on here. Bella has to get to the office on time or her entire day will take a turn for the worse. Hannah, her daughter refuses to cooperate and keeps coming up with new things to complain about. There's a lot of yelling and threatening going, but nothing seems to work. In meantime, her husband Edward is blissfully unaware. He worked late and is still sleeping. 

Angry and annoyed, Bella practically drags her daughter into the day care center. She leaves her there, ignoring Hannah's tears, knowing that they'll disappear as soon as she's out of sight. She never expected what would happen next, nor could she have foreseen such a thing. 

Come….ON.

I'm ready, I've been ready, and now I'm closing my eyes to try and remain the adult in this situation.

Not likely.

"Hannah, please get your shoes and socks on, we're going to be late."

As usual.

I check my watch and roll my eyes as she makes a face.

"But mommy I don't want to wear those shoes, I want my sparkly shoes." Her voice jumps an octave when she says sparkly. She loves sparkly things, if she could wear a sparkly shirt and sparkly skirts with sparkly shoes and have sparkly hair every day of her life, she would and she would be one happy little girl for it.

"And those socks don't match me."

It would make me laugh if I wasn't in such a rush to get my boss's report done for him before noon.

But right now, she's loud, and Edward is sleeping because he worked late again and I cannot take the sound of her voice.

"Shhhhh, Hannah, daddy's asleep, honey…please just get your shoes on."

"I want the sparkly ones, mommay."

Annnnnnd she's louder now. Good job.

My eyebrows curl slightly. "Oh, you mean the ones you jumped into the pool with them still on your feet yesterday? Those sparkly shoes? "

She nods, excitedly.

"They're. Still. Wet. Hannah. You can't wear them yet."

That's reasonable, right?

But reasonable is one thing, sarcasm and four year olds just do not mix.

Now she's got that look.

Three…

Trembling lip.

Two…

Waterworks building in the baby sized eyeballs.

One.

And the crying, it makes me annoyed. She does this every time some little thing doesn't go her way, and it makes me completely insane.

How did I get such an overly sensitive child?

"Hannah."

"I don't want to wear those shoes," she points, "I hate those shoes!"

I sigh.

It's heavy and tired and I cannot take this morning any more…or this week for that matter.

Someone shoot me. Now, please.

"You picked those shoes out, Hannah, you're wearing them." I'm handing her the socks and she refuses to take them.

"I hate those shoes!" she screams and now she's running up the stairs.

Loudly.

I put my keys and my purse down and chase her up there, I pick her up and bring her back down while she's screaming, hoping to get her far enough away from the bedrooms that she won't wake Edward.

It's funny to me. odd things wake him up.

Crickets, but not a screaming baby.

The dog's nails against the tile floor, but not a cry in the night over a bad dream.

Go figure.

"Hannah, if you don't put those shoes on, you're not getting desert later."

"Mommy, noooooooooo!"

Bad idea, threatening with the ice cream.

She's not the only one that never learns.

I set her down as the buzzer for the dryer goes off.

"Will you help me?" she asks, and my sweetness is back.

"I can't right now, Hannah, getting the laundry, hurry please." I throw the laundry into a basket and set it on the couch to fold when I'm done with my report later, probably over my lunch hour.

"Mommy, pleeeeaaaaaaasse help me?"

"Hannah, you're almost five years old, you know how to put your own shoes on."

"MOMMY!"

Jesus fucking Christ.

I sigh again.

Heavier than before and I let it linger as long as I can before I need to breathe again.

"I don't have time for this Hannah," I sing. "PLEASE get your SHOES on before I LOSE my TEMPER with YOU."

Like's it's not already lost.

And now I'm the one that's getting louder.

First of all, I just wanted to say, "Wow". All mothers can identify themselves with Bella in this story. Our children can really get on our last nerves, but we still love them more than life itself. Although, the story is short and simple, it only enforces the content. It's a really powerful one-shot and the ending had me in tears. 

I didn't expect anything different from FL95 though. She has a rather direct style of writing, very crude at times, but I love her stories. They are filled with real emotions and thoughts, and leaves out all the exagerated and over-the-top descriptions many authors write. I think it's fair to say that her stories are like unpolished diamonds, rough around the edges, but true gems in its whole. 

FL95, I love your writing and don't ever stop! 

To all readers out there, see you next week!

Love and sniffles out, 

Salacious S