MADCAP Mondays: Bad Fauxmance

It's Alluring A. Moving onto the next story of this week's MADCAP Monday hat-trick: "Bad Fauxmance" by Stella Luna Sky. Now I don't know about y'all but the first time I read this title I had a horrible image of Lady Gaga go through my head. Don't worry about that folks. This story is a Gaga free zone, and hilarious to boot. Ever told a lie to talk to someone. I bet you've never had to keep that lie up for months just to be around the person you were interested in.

This is exactly what happens to "poor" Edward. It's the "typical formula: boy meets girl. Boy befriends girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Girl has no idea. Boy is afraid to tell her, because Boy - me, Edward Cullen - has been pretending to be gay to keep Girl's man-hating self in his life." What could possibly go wrong in this situation?

No, that is so boring. Ugh, who are you people?" She shoots a glare at Emmett, and I grin, because Emmett loves Bella, that treacherous big gay.

.....

"Okay, fine," Emmett relents. I see that look on his face, and I know that whatever is coming is about ten times worse. "I dare you to kiss Bella, then, Edward."

And it's my wildest dream, my deepest fantasy. I'm so deep into this charade that my once X-rated mind has dwindled, and I beat off to the thought of finally catching her with my mouth and my tongue and her mouth and her lips and oh god, my cock, it's so hard.

She has no idea, no clue what she does to me. She walks around topless half the time, completely unaware of how fucking gorgeous she is, how perfect her tits are, how much I want them in my hands, my mouth, around my cock. She asked me to feel them once, to give her my honest opinion, are they too small? Too saggy? B-cups sag too, Edward.

Like I didn't know. Like I hadn't seen a lot of tits in my life, like I didn't know at that moment hers were the most perfect in this whole universe. And it all started because I lost a bet, a stupid bet that was supposed to go on for one night, but because that stupid, gorgeous girl beguiled me, I continued, just to be close to her.

And now she's biting her lip at me, shy. She hates boys, straight boys – they creep her out, she always says. They make her so uncomfortable, why are they staring at me, Edward? Because you're gorgeous, so hot, so sexy, oh god, I'm so turned on I can't even think straight.

Then she's coming towards me, determined, like kissing me is no big deal because that's the thing, it's not to her. But to me, it's everything I've hoped for in my depraved mind, my deceitful mind.

But it's no big deal to her, nothing at all. Because to Bella Swan, owner of the most perfect tits and quite possibly my heart, I am gay.

And so, so fucked.

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I, Edward Cullen lose a bet - what bet, you ask? God, does it even matter? I lose a bet, and now I'm here, in this gay club, with this huge guy grinding on me. There are perfect girls everywhere, enjoying the freedom of dancing without wandering male eyes, unaware of my gaze following the sway of their tits. Little do I know that the big guy grinding on me will become my gaytor, or so he calls himself - my gay tutor. Because I, Edward Cullen, will have to pretend to be gay to keep the man-hating Bella Swan in my life, as my roommate, my best friend, and the girl I fall in love with.

Yeah he's fucked. You'll love seeing Edward try to be the best gay he can be with the help of Emmett. Watching him try to work his way out of the situation is almost as good as watching a train wreck. Stella Luna Sky is an absolute genius not only with the plot but her writing as well. You won't be disappointed.


Now if for some reason this story also doesn't peak your interest there's one last story for you. If Edward's fauxmance problems suck you I'm sure you'll enjoy it! And please leave Stella Luna Sky some major love.