MADCAP Mondays: Progress - The Original Sleep Humper

It's Alluring A. So you're first story in this week's MADCAP Monday hat-trick is "Progress: The Original Sleep Humper Story" by 107yearoldvirgin. If the title it's self doesn't draw you in, then the superb writing will. Edward is called a "sleep humper" and like with most of the ExB stories I read he's humping Bella. Sometimes in his sleep, sometimes when he's wide awake.

Now don't think Edward is the only one with problems. Come on when is anyone ever perfect. Bella's got her own flaws, but I'll let you figure those out for yourself. All you need to know is that there is humping... and that it's written by the talented 107yearoldvirgin.

Thump.
Moan.
Thump.
Moan.

Waking up to that sound every morning was enough to make a girl go completely insane. I rolled over and pressed my pillow firmly over my ears, willing the disturbing noises to die down. Opening one eye slightly, I checked the time on the clock: seven forty five.

It would be over in ten minutes if I could just wait it out.

A loud crash could be heard above the pounding and moaning sounds and I sat straight up in the bed before I grabbed a shoe off of the floor and flung it at my closed door.

"Seriously! If you're going to have sex in the kitchen before work, the least you can do is not break my damn dishes!" I flopped back down in the bed and pulled the covers over my head until I heard the commotion stop.

Every morning, like clockwork.

My roommate Rosalie and her bumbling boyfriend Emmett would have some sort of weird loud sex in a corner, or open space, of our apartment. My other roommate Alice and I had learned to wait until after eight to emerge so that we wouldn't have any more unfortunate incidences like the one last Halloween.

I would never be able to watch Some Like it Hot ever again after walking in to see Rose bent over the couch dressed as Marilyn Monroe, her white dress hiked up over her head, and Emmett…

"Happy place, happy place, happy place…" I muttered as I got up to brush my teeth. I had learned to shower before bed now, too. Getting into the tub after their morning shower sex session was always a crapshoot. You never knew what you'd find in there.

I cracked the door and poked my nose out. "Put on your clothes, skanks. I'm walking into the hallway."

When did our apartment become such a danger zone?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Isabella, this is Edward. He starts today and I've already given him a tour." Randall said tightly.

Edward?

That's an old dude's name. This fine specimen of man in front of me deserved something elegant and exotic…like Fellatio.

He extended his hand to my own and there was a jolt of electricity that ran down my arm and straight into my panties.

It was apparent then that I was going to have a problem with the new guy.

Because, I wouldn't have hired him.

I would have put a collar on him and tied him to my bedpost.

"Hello," he spoke like velvet and my eyes instinctively closed at the notes that rolled off of his tongue. I shivered as I released his hand and felt my nipples tighten as I tried my best to smile back politely.

Oh shit. I think I peed my pants. What the hell?

I shifted a bit and groaned internally.

Nope, not pee.

The new guy had just caused a rain shower in my panties. And all he did was say hello.

"Hi," I choked out as reality came rushing back towards me. I panicked and tore my eyes away from the chiseled jaw and full lips of the man-who-I would-some-day-bear-children-for and sputtered, "Randall…I really should go home and change. I'm so sorry." I glanced back up at this Edward of My Dreams and stuttered, "Nice to meet you."

Rushing back quickly into my office, I grabbed my purse and turned off the light as I made a mad dash to the parking lot.

I was going to have to quit my job.

This story will have you laughing and sometimes even crying. You might even wish a few times that you had your own Edward Cullen: Sleep Humper. Honestly, you can't go wrong reading this story. The summary says it best: "A BxE debacle of epic proportions. Sometimes love is just plain awkward."


Now if for some reason this story doesn't peak your interest there are two more stories to come today. If you're going to see what all the humping is about I hope you enjoy it! And please leave 107yearoldversion some major love.